Fourth and Ape, The Field Goal Kicker with the Secret Gorilla Leg

ISBN: 978-1-4769-9952-4

Category: Humourous,  Fiction,  Football

Keywords: football, humor, sports, children, middle grade, adventure, science

Published: 02/18/2015

Views: 639

Words: 60,363


Fourth and Ape, The Field Goal Kicker with the Secret Gorilla Leg


On a zoo sleepover, Ivan Zelinka gets mixed up with a couple of semi-mad scientists who inject his leg with top-secret gorilla serum. Soon the muscles on his right leg are bulging and his skin is covered with thick black hair. Most high school students would be horrified by such a transformation.

But did I tell you that he’s the place kicker on his high school football team?

Horror gives way to delight as Ivan finds himself booting fifty-yard field goals and punting the ball into the stratosphere. The Bulldogs are winning for the first time in their history. Ivan’s dating the adorable Kipper Swanson. And the fans love him. He’s even got his own cheer, which fans chant when he lines up to kick: “Super Booter, Super Booter, ooh, aah!”

But on the flip side, he’s worried about turning into a full-fledged gorilla. Goodbye, Super Booter. Hello, Gorilla Boy. And the scientist who’s supposed to be working on a cure is a behemoth named Elko. When Elko’s not threatening to crush someone into a ball or spray them with his personal blend of knockout gas, he’s betting on football - including Ivan’s high school games.

By the big game, Ivan must decide whether to fully transform himself into Super Booter or return to being plain old Ivan.

Fourth and Ape is a great read for anyone who has fantasized about having superpowers or simply loves a funny story.

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About the Author

Aug 14, 2013

I live in a 110 year-old house in San Francisco with my wife and two kids. If I go on the roof, set up a step ladder and climb to the top, I can see the Golden Gate Bridge. However, it probably a lot easier to ride my bike to the bridge. I try to bike as much as possible, especially through Golden Gate Park or near the ocean. Ah, the smell of the sea!

Speaking of the sea, one day I was jogging barefoot on the beach. I was a little worried because the beach was littered with dinner-plate-sized jellyfish. I asked one of the surfers if the jellyfish stung. He said they stung, but only a little bit.

"In fact," he said, "I was sitting on my board with a bunch of guys and for the amusement of my buddies, I pulled one out of the water and put it on top my head like it was a lady's hat."

I no longer worry about stepping on jellyfish on that beach.

I got the idea for "Super Booty, The Field Goal Kicker with the Secret Gorilla Leg" at the dinner table. I made up the story to tell my son. He wasn't eating his vegetables and I made up the story to distract him. My Uncle John - to whom this book is dedicated - used to make up stories to tell his nieces and nephews. They were mostly ghost stories.

In particular, I remember, "Gitchie Goomie, The Tree that Thirsts for the Taste of Human Blood" By the way, Gitchie Goomie is the Native American word for Lake Superior, but we didn't know that.

I should be going, after all, "Brevity is the very soul of wit." Polonius says that to Claudius in Hamlet. Of course, this is a joke because Polonius is an incredible windbag. Save this tidbit for the next cocktail party. Then - as a favor to me - bring up how much you can bring up how much you liked "Fourth and Ape."

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